I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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