i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
