so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
