i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
