I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
