Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it's like heaven, but drunker
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
