You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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