I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
