Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(386): View more from Florida

tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN

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(386): tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN http://tfl.nu/xbeq

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(516): View more from New York

Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.

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(516): Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style. http://tfl.nu/uxcc

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(719): View more from Colorado

so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked

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(719): so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked http://tfl.nu/uvvy

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(314): View more from Missouri

i don't want you to think of me as your TA

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(314): i don't want you to think of me as your TA http://tfl.nu/7pvf

Replies (26) Good night (10060) Bad night (1348)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover

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(847): I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover http://tfl.nu/981k

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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.

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(785): I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol. http://tfl.nu/ketb

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(503): View more from Oregon

Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.

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(503): Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying. http://tfl.nu/kt03

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.

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(603): to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald. http://tfl.nu/pb1j

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(719): View more from Colorado

As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.

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(719): As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF. http://tfl.nu/ti4u

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(260): View more from Indiana

The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.

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(260): The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night. http://tfl.nu/9ser

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.

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(202): Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want. http://tfl.nu/8zxe

Replies (11) Good night (1616) Bad night (332)
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(619): View more from California

If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now

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(619): If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now http://tfl.nu/lp2e

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(469): View more from Texas

The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"

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(469): The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party" http://tfl.nu/vn3r

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.

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(610): In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game. http://tfl.nu/bv7v

Replies (0) Good night (434) Bad night (255)
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(407): View more from Florida

I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"

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(407): I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse" http://tfl.nu/14wb

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