so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
