i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape