But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
