Someone shit on the floor
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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