your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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