That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
