You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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