yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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