At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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