I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
