I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
