There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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