I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
