Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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