That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
