I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
