I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
