i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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