you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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