I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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