Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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