Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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