can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you traded sex for a burrito?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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