I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
