Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
