i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
