this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize