I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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