Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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