Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He felt like a one man threesome
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
