I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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