There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
