jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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