On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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