So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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