Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
