Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
