there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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