Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
