Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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