So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
