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If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize