i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
pray to the hookup gods
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
