literally had 100 drinks last night.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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