i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
