i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm drive I can fine osifer
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
