Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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