cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
