how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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