I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
