Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
