exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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