she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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