butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
