i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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