Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
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Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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