WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
