He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The uberlube is also flammable
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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