Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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