When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
