You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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