Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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