respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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