Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
