"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
