We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize