pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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