I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
