sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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