...so i touched it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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