White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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