I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
