bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Randomize